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Dec. 27th, 2014 12:39 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninelegsWow has it been a long time since ive written here. I don't even remember what the last thing I posted about was. Probably being sad and something about Conner.
Which is exactly what im going to write about again.
He drove from Brampton to pick me up and and then we hung out in Brampton and then in Sauga and just shot the shit for a few hours. I just enjoy spending time with him. Its different now that ive accepted that he doesn't want me in the way that I want him.
I'm not going to say that there isnt a glimmer of hope but I try and squash that idea as soon as it flutters into my head.
Regardless of my feelings for him today was an interesting time because somehow we ended up talking about depression and its so fucking hard for me to open up. I'm so used to people not caring and so used to trying to not let conner see my weakness that I felt so strange to be put into a position where he was encouraging me to open up to him.
I know I need to talk more. About my problems and also in general. But its just so hard when you feel completely worthless. I never feel like im important enough or worthy of others kindness. I can always take a step back and look at how im acting/feeling and I know its irrational or just depressive thinking but it feels so real in that moment.
Theres also just the dilemma of knowing I should distance myself from him when I really don't want too and he cares enough about me to be concerned for me and my depression
such is life
Which is exactly what im going to write about again.
He drove from Brampton to pick me up and and then we hung out in Brampton and then in Sauga and just shot the shit for a few hours. I just enjoy spending time with him. Its different now that ive accepted that he doesn't want me in the way that I want him.
I'm not going to say that there isnt a glimmer of hope but I try and squash that idea as soon as it flutters into my head.
Regardless of my feelings for him today was an interesting time because somehow we ended up talking about depression and its so fucking hard for me to open up. I'm so used to people not caring and so used to trying to not let conner see my weakness that I felt so strange to be put into a position where he was encouraging me to open up to him.
I know I need to talk more. About my problems and also in general. But its just so hard when you feel completely worthless. I never feel like im important enough or worthy of others kindness. I can always take a step back and look at how im acting/feeling and I know its irrational or just depressive thinking but it feels so real in that moment.
Theres also just the dilemma of knowing I should distance myself from him when I really don't want too and he cares enough about me to be concerned for me and my depression
such is life
